Five questions to ask that are better than “Am I an alcoholic?”

It was 2:30 in the morning, and I was awake with that middle of the night anxiety that seemed to be happening a little too often lately. Thoughts were churning. What had I said last night? Was my husband mad at me? How much had I actually drank… I remembered up to a certain point, but not much past that. And all of those questions were overshadowed by an even bigger question.

I picked up my phone, opened Google, and typed, “Am I an alcoholic?”

None of the search results gave me the answer I needed. I read the articles. I took the quizzes. I still didn’t know for sure if I was actually an alcoholic or not. And I felt like I needed to know.

It turns out, there’s no article, there’s no quiz, that is going to answer that question for you. But more importantly –

That’s not the question you should be asking.

What you’re really wondering when you ask, “Am I an alcoholic,” is “Should I quit drinking? Do I NEED to quit drinking?” And that question comes with a lot of anxiety. A lot of other questions. “How will I deal with my life without alcohol? How will I ever have any fun? Who am I, without alcohol?” With all your heart, you just want Google to tell you that you’re fine, that the amount you’re drinking is normal, and that you don’t have to make any changes in your life – because you wouldn’t even know where to start.

Instead of worrying about whether you drink enough for it to be considered “problematic”, I want you to dig deep, and ask yourself these five questions. Take out a pen and a notebook, and write out the thoughts that come up. Take your time with this, and be really, really honest with yourself. In those words, you’re going to find the answer to the real question you’re asking: “Is it time for me to quit drinking alcohol?”

Is alcohol making my life mostly better, or mostly worse?

All actions have both positive and negative consequences. What are the positive and negative consequences that alcohol is having on your life? Are they different now than they used to be?

Am I using alcohol to tolerate things I shouldn’t be tolerating?

Alcohol might be allowing you to tolerate any number of things. People treating you in ways that are disrespectful. Your own negative self talk and low self worth. A job you hate. Friendships you don’t actually love. What is alcohol allowing you to tolerate that you really shouldn’t be?

Am I using alcohol to avoid feeling emotions that I don’t think I’m capable of feeling?

Fear. Grief. Anger. Stress. Anxiety. Overwhelm. Heartbreak. Insecurity. Loneliness. Most of us weren’t taught to handle difficult emotions, so we found (usually unhealthy) ways to avoid them instead. What emotions might you be avoiding with alcohol? Do you have the skills to handle those emotions sober? How would things be different if you felt confident that you could cope with any emotions that life threw your way? When you drink to numb the hard emotions, what pleasant emotions are you also numbing (because you can’t selectively numb emotions)? Are you really okay with not feeling those?

What would it feel like to stop thinking about alcohol?

How much time do you spend thinking about drinking? Between figuring out when you’re going to drink, worrying about how it’s affecting your body and your life, regretting things you’ve said or done when drinking, and of course – wondering if you’re an alcoholic. If you weren’t putting so much energy into those thoughts, how would you feel?

Is alcohol moving me closer to the life I want to be living?

What are your goals in life? How do you want to feel about yourself? What do you want to be doing with your precious time and energy? Where do you see yourself in five years? Write out a clear picture of exactly how you want to be living. Make sure you also write about how you want to be feeling. And then answer the question – is alcohol moving me closer to this life, or further away? Every choice you make either moves you toward or away. Which direction is alcohol taking you?

Now read back over your answers.

Based on the words you’ve written, what is the answer to your question – “Is it time for me to quit drinking alcohol?”

Set aside your fears. Don’t worry right now about the unknown. I know you can’t imagine what life would even look like without alcohol. I know you have no idea where to start. I know you’ve tried a few times before and it was so much harder than you expected that you’re not sure you’re even capable. Set all that stuff aside. Just answer the question. “It it time for me to quit drinking alcohol?”

If the answer is yes – congratulations! You know the next step you need to take to move your life toward where you want it to be heading. That sounds trite, and I don’t mean for it to. But so many people go through their lives floundering and floating, with no idea what to do next, what direction to head. It might not be easy, but you know what needs to be done. That’s actually pretty exciting.

Taking those big steps isn’t easy, but you also don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to find your own way.

If you’re ready to take this step, I’d love to support you as you start navigating the new territory. I’ve got the tools and resources to help you get through the hard things, and I’m ready to listen and offer perspective when emotions get uncomfortable. I’ll be the person you can say absolutely anything to, and I’ll never judge – only walk beside you as we figure out your best next steps.

Click here to book a free 30 minute strategy call, no strings attached.