It’s been 3 years since I quit drinking alcohol.
Instead of committing to “one day at a time”, as is commonly suggested, I chose to commit to 30 days of sobriety. I know it’s an unpopular opinion. Here’s my reasoning:
One day at a time was exhausting. It was a battle in my head every day at 5pm. Would I drink? Would I not drink? It was like the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other, and listening to them wore me down. I got tired of listening to the argument, fighting the battle, making the decision, every. single. day.
It’s called decision fatigue.
Decision fatigue is defined as “feeling depleted after making too many decisions. Cognition becomes impaired due to mental exhaustion as individuals struggle to cope with the various possible outcomes of their decisions.”
In simpler terms: You get so mentally exhausted from having to keep making the decision to stay sober that it gets easier and easier to justify deciding to drink instead.
So I removed the need to make the decision every day (sometimes multiple times a day), and I committed to staying sober for 30 days. One decision now lasted 30 days. No more decision fatigue.
This is a journal entry from my Day 4:
“We started harvesting potatoes from the garden this afternoon. Every year, it’s tradition to make my favorite potato leek soup with the first of the potato harvest, and I plan to make it tomorrow. And then I remembered that recipe calls for white wine. And then I thought about how good a glass of white wine would be with that soup tomorrow. And I said to myself, “only one glass.” And myself laughed and said, “it’s never one glass.” And then I thought, maybe I could just get a single serving of white wine. Then I couldn’t go overboard. Except I’d be annoyed that there wasn’t more. And then I talked myself out of having any wine tomorrow. Except then my kiddo decided to fix fish for dinner tonight. Fish goes so good with…. yep, white wine. And then I thought I could split the bottle between the two days, plus the recipe, and how perfectly reasonable is that? No reason not to just have a little bit. Then I reminded myself that I’ve done this before. It would result in the whole bottle tonight, then having to buy another bottle for the recipe tomorrow, which I would then drink.
I felt really sad. Like, I can never just have a glass of white wine with fish again? That feels impossible. And then I made myself a deal – just this once, skip the wine. Get to 30 days, like I promised myself I would. Then, maybe we can revisit the situation. And that felt like a good compromise.”
I took the need to make a decision away, because I had already made it, at least for now. It’s not committing to forever. But it’s also not making a decision every single day. It felt like a good place to start.
Nothing that happens in the next 30 days requires a drink.
Here’s what my promise to myself looked like:
- I am not going to drink for 30 days, no matter what happens, no matter how hard it gets.
- Nothing in the next 30 days will kill me if I have to do it sober. I will survive.
- On Day 31 – in the morning – I will decide if I’ll commit to another 30 days.
For 30 days, drinking alcohol simply was not an option.
I had to find other solutions to my problems. It forced me to use every tool I could find, and figure out what worked. It forced me to sit with the stress and anxiety and frustration that always sent me back to the bottle. It required me to prove to myself that I could get through hard things without escaping them.
Spoiler Alert: At the end of those first 30 days, there was not one regret about not drinking. There was no looking back thinking, “Oh, I wish I would’ve had a glass of wine with that soup.” Over and over, I woke up so glad that I’d made my decision.
On Day 31, I felt amazing. I committed to another 30 days.
What works for one person might not be the best choice for another.
If “One Day At A Time” works well for you, by all means stick with it. But if you suffer from decision fatigue and find yourself getting exhausted making the decision to stay sober day after day, maybe my 30 days approach is worth a try.
Oh. And in case you were wondering, I still made the soup. I used extra chicken broth and skipped the wine. You couldn’t tell a difference.
Julie Miller, RCP is a certified recovery coach. After a decade of too much drinking, she found her way into an alcohol free life and is now thriving. Her recovery is founded in overcoming shame, finding her authentic self, and creating a life so full there’s no space left for alcohol. Through her coaching, podcasting, and the recovery community she has built, Julie has found her purpose in helping others find their way out of addiction and into a meaningful, purpose filled life of freedom.