“I never thought this would be me.”

“I should have known better.”

“I’m supposed to be stronger than this.”

You wake up, head throbbing and nausea washing over you, and the shame sinks like a rock in the pit of your stomach.

This isn’t who you are. This isn’t how it was supposed to go. Drinking more than you mean to each night, not really remembering those last couple of hours before you passed out, and heading into the day feeling both physically and emotionally miserable. Again.

Fear of getting found out. Fear of what will happen if you can’t get it under control. Fear that… you won’t be able to.

Which cycles back to, “I can’t believe this is me. I’m supposed to be stronger than this.”

These thoughts are all shame.

Shame holds you down, keeps you in the same cycle you’re stuck in. Stops you from getting help and support. And gives you yet another reason to drink.

I know this, because it’s where I stayed for years. Then I found my way out.

Let’s stop the shame spiral.

Here are four reminders for whenever those thoughts start spinning.

Reminder #1: It’s not a moral failure

Alcohol is an addictive drug. Your body and brain are responding accordingly. The way they are expected to. When that switch flips, you simply no longer have control. It’s not about whether or not you’re a good person. It’s not about whether you have self control, or know right from wrong.

You’ve been told your whole life that alcohol is a perfectly acceptable way to cope with stress, to relax, to socialize. What they didn’t tell you is that eventually your body and your brain are going to come to depend on it, and you can’t stop that from happening. We hear, “Alcohol is fine, just don’t get carried away.” But that’s not how it works. Science – and your physiological make up – dictate otherwise. It’s not your fault you ended up addicted. You didn’t do anything wrong.

Your body and your brain responded to an addictive drug exactly the way they were supposed to.

Reminder #2: Alcohol Doesn’t Care Who You Are

Alcohol is the Great Equalizer.

It will destroy a successful CEO the same way it’ll destroy a farmer, or a doctor, or a preacher’s wife. It doesn’t discriminate. You can be successful in every area of your life. A good person who volunteers for non-profits, raises happy healthy children, and always does the right thing. The fact that you have found yourself addicted to alcohol doesn’t make you a less valuable person. It doesn’t make you less successful. You were never supposed to be “better than that.” That’s not how it works.

Anyone, anywhere is susceptible to becoming addicted to alcohol. Alcohol levels the playing field.

Reminder #3: Everyone Has Something

Laura McKowen says it perfectly: “Everyone has a thing. This is your thing.” At some point in their life, everyone will have a battle to fight. A challenge to overcome. This is yours. You don’t get to pick your battle. You just have to accept what you’re given, and decide what to do with it.

Which brings me to…

Reminder #4: This Is Your Catalyst

This is the thing that is going to change the course of your life for the better.

It’s going to hold your feet to the fire and force you to look at your life with intention, and decide what you’re going to do about the parts of it that aren’t acceptable to you. It’s going to demand that you know yourself and know your values, and align your life with them. And the result of all of that is that you’re going to be living a life of purpose, intention, and impact. The universe has called you to step up and show up, because YOU are needed. This world requires your gifts and your talents, and you can’t share those if you’re numbing them.

There are people who never have a catalyst. They float through life mindlessly, never paying attention to where they’re headed, letting the current just push them along. That’s not you anymore.

Take back your power.

When the shame cycle starts to spiral again, be prepared to stand up and face it. You’ve made the choice to face the challenge that you were presented with, and you’re doing it with honor. There’s no shame in that.