“I just realized you actually plan things to do that have nothing to do with alcohol.”

Someone said this to me the other day, and I realized how many people don’t realize that this is the way to do it. Instead, they’re trying to go about all their normal activities and just find ways to get through them without drinking.

A few weeks ago, I invited two friends to go cross country skiing with me. Neither of them had ever been, and it turned out to be an adventure I’ll remember forever. To share the magic of the snowy meadows with them… take a break and make hot cocoa on the side of the trail with a travel stove… laugh a lot (and even a few tears of frustration shed). It was all the connection and adventure that makes life feel full.

When you create opportunities for new adventures with friends, you’re doing the work to boost all the “happiness chemicals” we talk about so often: dopamine, endorphins, oxytocin, and serotonin. All of these chemicals tend to be low in people who drank alcohol in large quantities for a long time. Some of that just heals on its own, but you can take charge and feed your brain some happy chemicals to boost your mood and help it heal. Physical activity, trying something new, and doing it with friends will have your brain producing all four of those fabulous chemicals.

Outdoor Winter Sports

Trying a new sport can feel really awkward. Especially if it involves strapping some strange contraption to your feet, rendering you unable to move properly. What better way to experience such things than with others who are doing the same, and without alcohol to take the edge off all those cringey feelings?

As silly as that sounds, there’s actually science behind it. Trying a new sport that feels awkward and uncomfortable is vulnerable. When you do vulnerable things with friends, you deepen the sense of connection. Connection is the cure for loneliness – and it’s also the cure for addiction.

Winter gear can often be rented inexpensively. If you have a college or university near you, see if they have an outdoor gear rental program. Many of them do, and they rent gear to the public for reasonable prices. Winter clothing can usually be found at thrift stores – often nearly new – for a fraction of the regular price. If you aren’t sure where to go, a quick google search will help you, or you can visit an outdoor store like REI and ask their experts for suggestions. If you don’t have anyone to go with, check out apps like Meetup and see if there’s an activity planned – or plan one yourself.

Gather up a few friends, and try one of these outdoor winter sports. It’s okay if you’re not any good at it. It’s okay if you’ve never done it before (in fact, that’s even better.)

• Downhill skiing
• Cross country skiing
• Showshoeing
• Winter hiking
• Ice skating
• Sledding

Indoor sports

If you’re not one for the frigid winter air, or falling down over and over doesn’t appeal to you, there are plenty of indoor options to keep the adrenaline flowing instead. Whether you’re looking for something a little less physical (or just want to avoid having to wear snow pants…)

Often, you can save money by purchasing a monthly membership. And if you don’t have anyone to go with, just show up! There’s a good chance you’ll meet some folks who would love to have you join them. (I know it’s awkward. But hey, we’re diving head first into the awkward here, aren’t we?)

• Indoor rock climbing
• Yoga or pilates
• Classes at the gym
• Bowling
• Dance classes

Go on a coffee shop adventure

We all have our favorite coffee shop – but what about trying new ones? Schedule a weekly date with a few friends, and hit up a new coffee shop each week. Want to make it even more adventurous? Order a different coffee each time you go. Ask the barista to surprise you. Splurge on a pastry. Make it feel special – something you all look forward to each week.

Start a club

What’s something you love doing? Or something you want to do more of? Start a club, get some friends involved, and you’re going to be more likely to follow through. Knitting, card games, hiking, book club, genealogy, writing, couponing… whatever is interesting to you is bound to be interesting to others. And anything is more fun when it’s done with like-minded people. Put a post out on Facebook (especially local Facebook groups) and put something together. It might take a few meetings to really take off, but stick with it – you’ll make new friends, and everyone (including you) will be so glad you put in the effort to make it happen.

Host a game night with a hot cocoa bar

Cozy up on a cold winter night. Invite some friends to come over, and bring their favorite board game and something to contribute to an amazing hot cocoa bar:

• Different flavors of hot cocoa
• Different types of milk (depending on your crowd)
• Mini marshmallows
• Reddi-whip
• Candy canes
• Sprinkles
• Chocolate chips
• Espresso powder
• Caramel or strawberry sauce

Everyone gets a chance to share a game they love with everyone. There are guaranteed to be plenty of laughs. Everyone will have a sugar high. It’s basically the perfect night.

Bonus points if everyone wears pajamas.

Change it up

Going out to all the same places and doing all the same things with all the same people as you did when you were drinking – just doing it without alcohol – is likely to leave you feeling empty and disappointed. Finding new, alcohol-free ways to spend time is how you start building a new life. One that doesn’t have any space for alcohol.