4 Ways To Deal With Anxiety Without Alcohol

It was 12:15 am when my eyes opened. I was fully awake.

I looked at the clock and sighed. 5 more hours until I could reasonably get up and call it morning. I tried to roll over and go back to sleep, but my brain had already switched on. It was flipping through things to keep me awake for – and it’s great at finding those things. (If you’re here reading this, I’ll assume you know this scenario all too well.)

I could feel my chest get tight.

Now, not only was my brain handing me things to feel anxious about, but I was feeling anxious about being anxious. About not getting enough sleep and having a terrible day because I was going to be exhausted.

Anxiety piles on top of itself pretty quickly, doesn’t it?

These anxious thoughts are more normal than you’d think.

And busy, successful, high achievers often experience moments like this. We have so many balls in the air that we can’t keep them straight, and if one comes down we’re afraid the whole act is going to fall apart.

I’ve been there. I still find myself there sometimes – because anxious thoughts are a part of being human. They don’t magically go away when you stop drinking, or when you become more emotionally stable.

This is about learning the skills to deal with them, so you can get back to sleep.

You don’t need Anxiety ‘hacks’.

You need tools that have been tried, tested, and proven to work.

These are my top 5 favorite tools for dealing with anxious thoughts. Not making them go away (because that’s not always possible) but keeping them in perspective so they don’t hijack your brain anymore.

Related: Managing Anxiety After Quitting Drinking

Learn the breathing exercises everyone talks about that you swear don’t work.

I know it’s cliche.

But when you start feeling anxiety, it’s not just a mental/emotional experience, it’s a physiological one.

And while it can take a while to make sense of the feelings in your mind, your body responds much more quickly when you take action. There are tons of counted deep breathing exercises out there. My favorite is 4-7-8 breathing. It’s simple – take a big deep breath while counting to 4. Hold your breath and count to 7. Slowly let it out and count to 8. Do it as many times as you need to, but try for at least 5.

Why it works: Anxiety is a mix of body chemistry and your nervous system, not just your thoughts. That’s why you experience the increased heart rate, shallow breathing, flushed cheeks feeling. Deep breathing balances the nervous system, starts bringing it from fight or flight mode back down to a feeling of safety. It’s that feeling of safety that you want to respond and make decisions from.

Play the “Best/Worst/Likely” Game With Yourself.

I was anxious about something years ago, and my therapist asked me a question that felt entirely counterintuitive: “What is the worst that could happen here?”

In that moment, the absolute worst thing was that all my friends and family would see what happened, laugh at me and think I’m stupid. And then she said – “And you know what? You’ll survive that.” Anxiety is, at its root, a survival instinct. Our nervous system senses danger, and it can’t differentiate between danger like you’ll get embarrassed and danger like you’re going to die.

Anxiety happens when we get stuck in the Big What-If, instead of playing the story all the way to the end.

Putting it in this perspective helps your brain re-process the situation from a place of resilience instead of doom. When you look at the worst case scenario, and realize that you’ll make it through to the other side, you lean into self-trust.

And then, let’s take that ‘worst case scenario’ exercise a step further and try this one: Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen? What’s the best that could happen? What’s most likely to happen (usually somewhere in the middle)?”

One of my favorite quotes about anxiety is “If you insist on imagining the worst, make sure you give 50% of your energy to imagining the best, too.”

Why it works: Anxiety wants to protect you (that’s literally its job) – so it considers all of the most horrible possibilities, hoping that if you think of all of those, you’ll be able craft ways to survive. Anxiety is one of our loudest emotions – and from an evolutionary standpoint, it needed to be. But just because it’s loud doesn’t mean the thoughts it comes up with are the only possibilities.

Give yourself permission to fully consider all of the ways this situation could turn out. Imagine yourself going through them, and imagine yourself on the other side – stronger, wiser, and more resilient.

Have a conversation with the anxiety

I’m serious. This sounds crazy, but it works.

Separate yourself from the anxiety.

Talk to it like a child who just wants to help. “Hey there. I see you. I know that you’re sensing danger and you’re just trying to keep me safe – and I really appreciate that about you. But I’m already safe. I’m going to be okay. I’m grateful that you are looking out for me, and I’ll keep an eye out for danger, too. But right now, I need you to sit in the passenger seat, and not actually drive this car, okay?”

This can be especially helpful when a situation you’re anxious about mirrors a situation from your past.

Why it works: Those anxious thoughts are your subconscious, referring back to past experiences. When it sees even the slightest similarities from a past experience, it’s going to sound the alarm about the current situation. It operates on instinct, not on rationality.

You get to be the adult that says, “Hey, I can see why you’re scared. But it’s okay, I’ve got this. We’ll walk through it together, okay?”

Watch Your Life Like It’s a Movie

This one is all about separating yourself from the emotion for a few minutes, giving yourself a chance to understand it.

When we’re deep in an emotion, it blinds us. Our reactions make perfect sense to us because we can’t see anything outside of the very loud, very uncomfortable emotion we’re feeling.

Learning how to step outside for a few minutes and just watch what is happening objectively – without judgement – can help put things back into perspective.

When you feel that anxiety start to ramp up inside you – your heart rate increasing, your thoughts start spiraling, and you’re frantically looking for an action you can take – Take a moment to pause.

Imagine this anxious version of you is in a movie. She’s the main character, and you’re watching as her anxiety starts building. What can you see happening? Can you see why she’s feeling this way? What would you say to her? What are you hoping she – the main character – will do next?

Why it works: Giving yourself some space from the emotion gives you a chance to see it with a healthy perspective – not just the perspective that has blinders on, that can’t see anything else. And there’s wisdom in perspective.

All of these Anxiety tools take practice.

They probably won’t be the first thing your thoughts jump to when you’re feeling anxious. It takes coming back to them over and over again for them to start happening more automatically.

But the more you use these techniques, the more you’ll feel a sense of comfort as soon as you lean into them.

What I find for myself is that I’ll start physically noticing anxiety symptoms, and I immediately go into a deep breathing exercise now, often without even thinking about it. My instinct is to bring myself back to balanced, back to baseline.

From there, I’ll look at what’s happening, and as soon as I can say, “Oh, I’m feeling anxiety,” I can work to understand what is happening, and then I can choose a tool to employ.

Feeling emotions is a practice. It’s never just easy, it never stops needing to be practiced. But the more tools you have – and the more you use them – the less overwhelming your emotions start to feel.

The goal isn’t to never feel anything hard. It’s to have the confidence that you can feel hard things, and you will still be okay.

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